I was walking home one day, when I saw a little old lady carrying her shopping. As I gained on her, I could see she was really struggling.
I asked her if she needed help.
“Oh no, dear. You see, I’m just a made up character to provide a heart-warming morality tale that’s designed to go viral all over Facebook.”
I was taken aback. “But you seem so real!”
“I know, and that’s what you’re supposed to think. This is all just a preamble to a lot of bollocks that people need to hear in the vain attempt to provide meaning in what is, in essence, a generally empty existence. In fact, this is about the point where the reader starts skimming to get to the point.”
As she carried on talking, I did indeed find my eyes glazing over, and I started to think about what I was having for dinner. So tedious was her pointless story, that I pinched my wrist to ensure I hadn’t lapsed into a coma.
“So,” concluded the little old lady, “you’re never too old to learn. Or something.”
“Wow, what an utter waste of time that was.” I said.
“Yep,” said the little old lady. “I got a million of ‘em.”
Incensed, I pushed her into a lamp post.